A YEAR OF GROWTH

Well, I have officially been moved out of my parent’s house for a full year! It is beyond belief to me! Literally, where did the time go? Anywho my “adulthood anniversary” also coincided with the beginning of the end of the year. Wow, that last sentence is a mouthful. But it is true, December is that time where people start to look back on their past year and look at how they have grown or changed. When I look back I see so much change in myself it is crazy!

I moved out and started to live on my own (with my partner)

This is a huge part of my growth. It showed me that I had to figure out all my finances and become “an adult”. This also is the beginning of my year of growth. I don’t know why but When I moved out I felt that I had so much more freedom then I have ever had. Which made me go out a push my boundaries.

I have changed the way I completely think about my body and how I think of others.

I have never been a “small” person, physically. I was always tall and always a bit bigger than most of the children that I grew up with. While growing up I always wanted to be that thin person on the cover of a magazine and up until a few years ago, that was still my goal. This is how I grew up, and my mother still to this day always says “I wish I looked like that.” Which is not a healthy way to think. I started to change the way I thought about my body because of the body positive movement. I would see women who would be bigger than myself just loving their bodies. One day I came across someone who was talking about how fatter people usually hide under clothing. The next thing they said literally changed everything for me. They continued to go one and say you are not hiding your body, people can still see that you are fat, putting a cover over your arms don’t do much to hide your arms. At that moment it clicked and I was like that is 100% true, people can still tell that I have a fat ass and a bigger stomach no matter what I wear so why hide it. So now I embrace my fatness I refuse to hide behind my clothing or not wear a bathing suit because my body is bigger, fuck that!

I do sometimes still have a mental relapse on how I use to think but it doesn’t usually last that long because I remind myself that I am still a bomb ass queen and no one will take my crown.  (a more in-depth post to come)

I have been a model

This seems like a weird one but if you would have asked me if I wanted to be a model even two years ago I would have told you that a woman of my size can’t be a model. But now look at me! I just saw an Instagram post looking for models for a body diversity photo shoot. So I put my name in for it and I got picked! Now I have some amazing photos of myself (vain much?) where I look absolutely glowing. I met some amazing people who were probably sick of me saying that I am the next Ashley Graham or Tess Holliday. But in all honesty, I had the most amazing time at the photo shoot with Saskatoon Local photographer Tammy Zudnich and Freedom Holistic Nutrition’s Jackie Reimche at the Well Collab. I have linked Tammy’s, Jackie’s, and the well collab’s websites below.

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Look at this amazing photo of me! I cannot wait to see more of them photo cred to Tammy  Zudnich

https://www.thewellcollaborative.com/

http://www.merakiandlight.com/

https://www.freedomholisticnutrition.com/

I went out to a meet-up where I really didn’t know many people and met strangers

If you are a local Saskatoon Woman, then you may have heard of these monthly meet-ups call Babes who Brunch by the ACE Class. This is a monthly brunch where you get to go and meet other women in your city. Honestly, I was terrified about going but my love of brunch outweighed my fear so I went. When I walked into Drift Cafe that morning I didn’t know what I was going to do, lucky for me there are more outgoing women then myself who introduced themselves to me. I met so many amazing women that day! I honestly say I walked out of that brunch feeling so strong and powerful like I could take on the mother fucking world.

If you would like to attend the next Babes Who Brunch; I have linked the facebook page. You get to connect with other women and get a sick gift bag that always has amazing stuff in it.

https://www.theaceclass.com/

I volunteered at the above group and now once a month help strangers meet strangers

So when I went to the first Babes who Brunch they were looking for volunteers to help with the next one. I loved how the first brunch went so much that I made the decision that I wanted to be a part of this! And now I am. When people asking how I got into the babes who brunch I just say I am the Volunteer they cannot get rid of (because I literally signed up for the rest of the years babes who brunch as volunteer) It is just such a fun space to be a part of and I get a DELICIOUS brunch out of it. Volunteering anywhere is great to just help out others (mine is a bit more selfish but we are working on that)

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look at me greeting the shit out of the guests at the Babes Who Brunch Event  photo cred to Desiree Martin

I started this blog

After I went to my first Babes who Brunch, I decided that I was going to start a blog. This Blog as a matter of fact! I felt so empowered and the people that I met were so encouraging I still cannot get over it. So I went home and bought my domain name and started to figure out what I was going to blog about. It has been a bit tough (I am no writer and I do not live a super exciting life) but I am still going at it and hope to continue on (I like to believe that I will get paid for this one day :-P)

I now run a monthly book club

I have talked about the ACE class a lot in this post, mostly because they have been a big part of my growth as an individual. They are also part of me running a book club. They started the wild women book club as a feature of being a member of the ACE class. Now I am a member and  I wanted to start to read more, I wanted to be apart of this. A few weeks into reading the first book, I got an email asking if I wanted to be the Saskatoon book club person. I definitely said yes to this opportunity. It isn’t a very big group in Saskatoon but that is ok, I’ve still got a lot to learn and figure out with it.  So now I am kinda in charge of a book club in Saskatoon.

I went a did a cliff jump! (a small one but still was terrifying)

This summer myself and some friends when house boating. We went white water rafting as one of our adventures and halfway through we were given the opportunity to jump in the river from a 15ft cliff. Now, this is not super high but I am terrified of heights and I was the only one who was going to do it (at the time). It was so thrilling to do and felt amazing because the water was sooo cool. So now I think I can do anything lol.  After I went and did my jump almost everyone who went rafting did it, even my friend who is not a strong swimmer. It was a great time and would so a small jump again

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not a pic of my cliff jump but after rafting some rapids (arrow points to me) photo cred to Adams river rafting  

I have become more confident in myself and my profession

I honestly believe that this just came with me pushing myself to get out of my comfort zone. I am constantly going back and forth from being confident to being unsure of myself. And to be fair I still go back and forth, just less often than before. I am still getting into the habit of telling myself to be better for me and I feel that telling myself that every day is helping me so much with my personal growth. Having the confidence in myself has helped me do so much. I don’t give a fuck what others think, I know that I am amazing and that is all that matters. I have done all these different things this year because I have not cared about what others would think of me when I do them. To not have that worry feels amazing. I do sometimes retreat back to ways I use to be, but the amount of time that I think like my old self gets shorter and shorter.

So 2018 has been a whirl of a year! But I am still growing and reflecting on how I can grow more and change. I am falling in love with the person that I am becoming, even though she may have flaws (I am still human), I cannot wait to see what other big changes I can make in 2019! Hopefully everyone has had as equally exciting and changing 2018!Image

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